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I’m not gay. But my girlfriend is.

Updated: Apr 2, 2023


"Sometimes life takes you on a journey that changes everything you thought you wanted".

Melanie Rayne


I stayed single for 6 years after my divorce.

I needed time to heal my heart.

Time to heal my mind.


The goal was to work on myself, get back in touch with who I was and discover the truest version of myself once and for all.


I discovered that what I really needed to do was more like... finally/actually/really truly make peace with with reoccurring relationship patterns, longstanding past trauma and generational family baggage. I needed to figure out who Taylor actually was and what SHE wanted for HER own life.


It was my time to stop living my life scared.

It was my time to stop avoiding the parts of life that were hard and uncomfortable.

This was my one life to live.

It was about time I started doing the things I wanted to do with my lifetime.


I started creating my life into the story I wanted to tell.

I woke up one day and decided it was time... I needed to start taking action.


I had always dreamed of living the nomad life, traveling the country one road trip at a time. So... I started working towards that goal first.


In March 2022, I decided I was going to move from a 3 bedroom house into a 150sq ft of pure bliss. Now, I just needed a place to park her…


It was a Saturday. I was working out at my friend's gym; Dan, a past coworker from my time at F45. I shared my big plans with my gym friends and asked them to keep an ear out for a empty spot. Natalia, a past coworker also from F45, was there working out too and jumped in, “I have a spot”. We agreed on a monthly rent and that was it!


By May 1st 2022, I was officially moved into Pearl… my beautiful, brand new, 21ft camper trailer palace of freedom... full time! I got rid of everything, all my furniture, decorations, anything non essential or tainted with memories… it was so freeing.

A few weeks later I was happy the new renter of a large fenced in backyard! Not only did I get a landing pad for the Pearl, but Jax and Opie got a fenced in yard to run and my land-people, Natalia and Justin become great friends too!


But that’s not all I gained…


This move, this leap of faith, this decisions to start chasing my dreams… changed everything.

The first day I was there, the next door neighbor, Cori, came over to say hi and introduce herself. She brought a sage bundle with a crystal attached as a welcome gift from her and her soon to be ex-wife.

Lesbian hippie neighbors, cool!


(My trailer basically overlooked their -entire-backyard so I was really glad they were so cool with the arrangement.)

Over the next few weeks, Cori and I would run into eachother, mostly in the backyard. We would exchange eggs (she has chickens) and veggies (we both gardened) over the fence. It was like Home Improvement style, I saw half her face over the fence while we had conversations in the backyard. Eventually, after a few months, we progressed to the driveway with a shorter chain link fence.

I know, big steps.

We had so many conversations. About all the things. I barely knew this person but I loved talking to her. I loved her energy right away.


After a few months, Jax and Opie took over and won her heart. She was also a smush-face dog lover (what are the odds!!).

Soon, she starting coming over to my side of the fence to say hi to the dogs. We would have long conversations over a shared joint. It was the best part of my day. I soon realized I was coming up with reasons to run into her, to be outside, hoping she would come over to "see the dogs".

As we became better friends, we started spending more time together and doing things together... it was obvious we had great chemistry but I didn’t know yet what that meant.


At this time I was single and dating. It was a frustrating, unsatisfying effort. I was 100% happy and content with my new life on my own but I also wanted someone to adventure with too. I assumed this person would be a man. However, there was something about all the disappointing relationships, a toxic marriage, a painful divorce and all this time with Cori…that made me question why I was restricting my potential life partners down to just one category of humans.


When I thought about all the things that really mattered to me in my next partner. It was inner qualities... like... being a good person, having empathy, patience, being humble, ambitious, wanting more out of life and being willing to compromise. Someone who loves freedom, travel, adventure, land and space. Someone willing to be wrong, vulnerable and communicative. Someone solid, reliable and loyal. Someone who can take care of their own shit and be strong for me once in awhile too. I was looking for someone that wanted to not just live the average existence but actively create an exciting life together.


Physical qualities never made the list. I was open to anyone that fit this description.


I know, I was being really picky but I was not willing to fuck up my life again for someone else. This was my chance! After 6 years of healing, therapy and continual work to find my authentic, confident, true self... I was ready for the best relationship of my life! I wasn’t willing to settle for anything less than perfect.

Because, otherwise, I loved my life as it was.


After a few blah dates, things with Cori’s marriage came to an end, and we started spending a lot of time together. It was just so natural and easy with her. We had so much fun, we laughed non stop, we enjoyed all the same things.. I just loved being around her.


Then I went to California.


Cori offered to watch my dogs while I was visiting my family in California for the holidays. I was gone 3 days and we talked the whole time. I genuinely, really, truly missed her. It had been so long since I’ve had any feelings like that about anyone. I knew then that something was different with her.

When I got back, it was different between us.



After I got back, we had a conversation and she admitted she had feeling for me. I knew I wanted to see what this was. We started officially “dating”. We introduced each other to some of our friends. We did a few adventures together. She watched my dogs every day while I went to see clients; both dogs obviously loved her like crazy. Our lives just kind of meshed so easily. It was so effortless. Life was better when she was around.


She balances me with her calm, patient, rational thinking. She understands my wounds and accepts me without trying to change me. She encourages me to do better in my own life while trying to do better in her own. She’s dependable. She’s consistent. I know she has my back. She's a wonderful human being.

So, I went all in.

I “switched teams”.

I chose love over labels.

I’m officially dating a lesbian!


I know not everyone will understand my choices. And that’s fine.

I live my life for me. Not for anyone else.


~~~

It’s been a few months now and I have never been this happy in a relationship!

Penis or vagina.


It's been interesting… switching teams and learning all the lesbian things. It’s forced me to open my mind and learn to accept without judgment in a whole new way. It’s been fun too!! Cori, being a lifelong lesbian, has never dated a “straight” girl, so we’re both learning things and laughing our way through as we go.


When I think back on the last few years of my life.. the marriage, the divorce, moving back to WA, all the jobs and people I met along the way, renting my friend/ex-coworker’s backyard, meeting Cori… it’s all fallen into place in such a specific way. Had anyone of those things changed in my journey, I never would have ended up living in a camper parked next to Cori.


Until I met her, I thought my heart was too broken to fall in love again. I was scared. I was cautious. I wasn’t sure I could ever let my walls down low enough to let someone over them again.


But my heart knew what was happening long before my brain did…

It was her eyes. I was fascinated by her incredible, beautiful, unique eyes that sparkled with so much energy.

She was different from everybody else.

I enjoyed every second we spent together.

I missed her when she was gone. I loved everything about her.

She was so easy to fall in love with.


Before I knew it, I didn't want to picture my life without her anymore.

I loved this girl.




I never pictured this being my story. I am not gay. A girlfriend? Dating a lesbian? I definitely never saw this plot twist coming.


But... I am so thankful my heart was powerful enough to keep my mind open to possibilities I never considered for myself.



I am so thankful I decided it was time to start creating my dreams and took that first step to making it all happen.


I am so thankful I found a partner that wants to continue creating a life we've both dreamed of living.


~~~


Don't be afraid to start creating your own dream life. Make a bold move. Take a chance. Do what sounds crazy.


It might just lead you to the most wonderful surprise you never saw coming.


Thanks for reading!

Love, Coach TayTay















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